


Our Own Secret Garden

by Ashwang



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Artist Tony, California, Domestic Tony, F/M, Family Suicide Mentioned, Feels, First Times, Fluff, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Mentions of Rape, OC, Steve gets drunk, Tony knows how to cook, Writer Steve, Young Couple, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-26
Updated: 2013-08-26
Packaged: 2017-12-24 18:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/943030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashwang/pseuds/Ashwang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote this as an original piece, hence the OC and different qualities in the characters. I really loved it though, so I decided to tweak it into a Fic. I hope you like it.</p><p>WARNINGS: Mild rape scene, mentions of family suicide and a lot of sad moments. Read at your own risk.</p><p>Steve is a journalist in California, living with a girlfriend he doesn't really like and in need of change. Enter Tony, an artist with a history. The two men meet in a non-conventional way, but soon develop a relationship that leads them on a path neither really expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Own Secret Garden

Steve Rogers was a twenty three year old aspiring journalist. He had gone through the necessary obstacles and had gained a work placement in a magazine publishing company. It wasn't where he saw himself by the age of twenty three but he understood that if he waited, was patient, gained more knowledge and experience that eventually he would find himself in a role that he had always hoped to accomplish. 

In college, he had met Peggy Carter. They had fallen in love almost instantly. She was a writer, novels mostly but as Steve wasn't earning enough to pay for all the bills, she had written a couple of baby books to get some money coming in. She also worked part time at the library. 

Aesthetically there were a beautiful couple. Steve was tall, had fantastic muscles but was still slim and had the most incredible bone structure. He usually wore shirts and skinny jeans with his favourite leather boots. His hair sat perfectly on his head, short back and sides, blond. He took care of himself.

Peggy was thin but not in an unattractive way. She had long auburn hair that hung down her neck and freckles that coincided with bright aqua eyes. She wore pretty floral dresses and cardigans with pumps.

The pair lived in the city of Sacramento, California in a one bedroom apartment. Together they couldn't really complain about their lives. Their families got on, they had shared interests in arts and had traveled round Europe together on a gap year. They were best friends. 

Unfortunately it was becoming quite clear to Steve that the life he was living with Peggy was slowly starting to fall apart. He was noticing the cracks in his voice whenever she told him a joke that he didn't care about. He was starting to zone out whenever she would talk about her day. He hardly saw any of his friends and when his family invited them round he would make excuses not to go just so he didn't have to sit through a dinner where his family only cared about what she was talking about, not bothering to ask whether he was progressing in his career or even how he felt. The final straw was the realization that he was no longer attracted to her. It wasn't because he had found anyone else. He hadn't thought about it too deeply. He just knew that his time with Peggy was coming to end. 

After work one evening, instead of doing his normal route back to their apartment, he decided to go for the alternative route, to give him time to think. The alternative allowed him to cut by a secluded garden. It was a little piece of heaven that helped him escape whenever he needed time to work on a piece that he couldn't finish. But it was also reserved for times like this. 

The garden scenery was stunning in the sunset. The orange glow trickled down over the two oak hand-carved benches which were positioned at either end of the small park. There were tall chestnut trees that had branches hanging overhead and ivy crawled the walls of stone that cut the park off from the rest of the world. There were evergreen bushes that hid it from the other side. 

Steve came by the place by absolute chance. He went on a binge one night when he turned twenty with a couple of friends but they had ran off to find some girls they had met at one of the many bars they had been to that evening, leaving him alone to get himself home. When Peggy had found out she verbally attacked both guys and Steve hadn't seen either since. Steve liked the fire in Peggy, but he did find her terrifying at times. He never told her about this place, it was his comfort place and he didn't want to share it with her, no matter how selfish is seemed.

As he ducked under the tangled branches of another bush, he set sight on his preferred bench and threw himself down, sighing heavily. Leaning forward to put his head in his hands, he heard a harsh grunting coming from a corner of the garden and two whispered voices. Steve froze in fear, looking over his fingertips, slowly assessing his surroundings. He heard a belt buckle clank and a zip being pulled up. There was a rustling and Steve saw a figure heading out of the other side of the park. The other figure watched until they felt it was okay to turn around. They then proceeded to sit on the other bench in the garden. 

Steve was about to get up and make a swift break for it when the figure realized he was there and started walking over to him. In the remainder of the sunset light, he could see the features of a man standing in front of him. He had dark, messy hair and striking, yet warm brown eyes. His lips were perfectly full and he had a trace of stubble that caressed the bottom of his prominent jawline and his body was muscly and tight under the pale shirt he was wearing, slightly open to reveal soft dark hair. 

“I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you” a soft voice spoke.

Steve sat in silence. He didn't know what to say. Everything he was thinking was going around his mind too fast for him to catch a sentence.

“Look dude, I'm sorry if you heard anything.. unpleasant. You know how it is. When you've gotta get off, you've gotta get off” he said, exhaling a confident laugh. 

Finally Steve's brain slowed and he was able to open his mouth.

“Yeah, I guess so” he agreed nervously. 

“It's beautiful here, right? I don't usually bring guys here but there was something special about this one. Shit, I can't even remember his name” the man joined Steve on the bench as he let out a small laugh.

“It's my favorite place in the whole of the city” Steve said, shuffling over to make it more comfortable for them both.

“How have I never seen you here?” the man queried. 

“I'm not sure. I didn't think anyone knew about this place” he answered, still not sure what was going on. He had come here to think about what he was going to say to Peggy. He had realized whilst sitting at work that the relationship was no longer working for him and he did indeed want to end it. But how?

“Yeah, me neither. Hey, my names Tony Stark” he held out his hand to Steve.

“Steve Rogers” he smiled as he took his hand.

“Can I ask you something, Steve?” he said, his eyes now black as the sun had set.

“Okay?” Steve didn't mean to sound as if he was answering a question with a question.

“Are you here because your life has come to a point where you need change?” Tony looked straight into his eyes, making Steve almost squirm in his seat. He opened his mouth to answer but Tony carried on talking.

“You see, I come here to think. I know it's cliché but sometimes you just need time out. I come here when I need change, a break from reality. I've been coming here a lot recently. And I'm looking at you, you've said this is your favorite place in the city, yet I've not seen you until today. So, do you need change?” Tony's gaze was burning into Steve.

'How did he just do that? How did he sit there and talk to me as if he knows me?'

“Yes” he answered truthfully.

“Then do it. Cast the things that aren't working for you out of your life and start again. Change can be frightening, but it's healthy. If we didn't change, we wouldn't evolve and I for one believe in evolution” he chuckled, patting Steve's leg. “Just do it, man”

Steve smiled. He didn't flinch at the strangers palm on his leg. He felt warm, he felt familiar. Tony wasn't afraid to let his guard down to strangers, it was comforting and refreshing. Steve was so used to people walking around like they had witnessed mass murder that he had forgotten what it was like to smile just because you can.

“Thank you” he managed to get out, as he was trying to read Tony.

“If you need a push, I'll be here tomorrow. Same time” he got up to leave but before he did he took Steve's hand in his and shook it, throwing him a wicked grin and then disappearing through the overgrown greenery. 

~

 

The apartment was dark apart from a tiny crack of light coming from Peggy's office. He heard shuffling and hushed giggles as he closed the front door behind him. Creeping through his own apartment, his heart started to beat heavily. His hand trembled out in front of him and before he knew what he doing the door was open, revealing a naked Peggy and a strange man on top of her. His body was numb. He ran out of the apartment as fast as his legs could carry him and as he approached the bar down the street he slowed down and fell to his knees. Before he realized, he let out an almighty laugh and cheered before feeling embarrassed. He then picked himself up and drank until he was put in a cab by the bartender.

Friday was always a difficult day. Everything had to be in for final editing before the weekend and Steve always struggled to be happy enough with what he'd done. Nursing an absolutely disgusting hangover wasn't helping as the lack of concentration made his final draft even harder to finish. 

Deep in the pit of his stomach, he knew Peggy was probably having an affair. He had sensed the breakdown of the relationship long before he had decided to do anything about it and being best friends they would've noticed it at the same time. They were both very intuitive with each other. She was always very sexually active at college before they were together and when they were together they experimented with a lot of things in the bedroom. Eventually things would've gone pear shaped and it was lucky they had before they were married or worse – had children. 

He had got home drunk, barely able to walk and Peggy was waiting for him in her dressing gown. She had tried to apologize as soon as he staggered through the door. Steve had just put his hands up and told her to stop. The conversation had gone something like this:

“Look, Peggy – it's been going downhill for a while. If I didn't catch you cheating, I suppose I would've just spent another couple of weeks trying to come up of a way to tell you I wanted out. You did me a favor”

“Oh. Well, I suppose... it's. Yes, okay”

“So I guess you can move out when you've found a new place”

“I've already got a place. I'm leaving tomorrow”

“Awesome”

“You know, Steve. I really did love you”

“I know. I loved you too”

And with that, Steve went into the bedroom and left her to sleep on the couch. 

As he went over the conversation (or bits he remembered through the drunken haze) he was startled by Darcy, the sandwich girl. He thanked her, causing her to blush and then looked down at his keyboard. The end of the day couldn't have come round any faster. His body tingled with excitement at the prospect of seeing the mysterious Tony Stark again.

He felt his phone buzz. It was a text from Peggy:

“Everything is out, left my key on the kitchen diner. I hope you can find happiness, Steve. You're still my best friend”

He snorted as he read it. 'Still my best friend'. They didn't have anything in common anymore. This he knew. He also knew that telling his parents they had broken up was going to be exhausting. He decided to delay it as long as possible. Finishing for the day, he put his coat on and headed out. Before he could, he was stopped by the editor in chief, Nick.

“Hello, Steve. I've heard you and Patty have broken up. I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, I expect your final draft is going to be finished by today. I was skeptical about giving you this story at first, but you're doing a good job. Expect more opportunities in the near future”

“Thank you” Steve smiled, not bothering to correct Peggy's name. 

~

Making his way through the gap in the wall, Steve breathed faster as a wave of sudden anxiety washed over him. He was the first one there, so he took a seat on his favorite bench and pulled out his phone to text Peggy back.

“Thanks Peg. You too” Short and sweet, to the point, no hanging on to the past. 

He felt a smile creep across his face and then he heard a rustling coming from the gap in the wall. He braced himself, praying it was Tony and not a homeless person or mugger. But he saw the brunette hair peek through the green and his fists loosened.

“Hey there, stranger” Tony beamed. “Sorry I'm a bit late, I got held up”

“It's fine. I've only been here a few minutes myself” Steve smiled.

“You look different today” Tony turned his head slightly to the side, checking Steve out. He was wearing an egg-shell blue button up shirt and gray tailored trousers. His hair fell unevenly on the top of his head, brown curls sitting messily.

“Do I?” Steve questioned, unsure of what he was trying to say.

“Yes. You look like.. you look like you've achieved change. You bastard!” he chuckled.

“As a matter of fact, I have. Though it wasn't entirely up to me” Steve blushed.

Tony joined him on the bench and turned to the side so he could see Steve properly. He rested one elbow on the back of the bench, in turn resting his chin on his hand. His gaze went straight through Steve, his breathing heavy. 

“So. What happened?” Tony queried.

“I was having problems with my relationship. We'd been together since college and things just weren't working out anymore, you know? After we talked I went home determined to break up with her, but I didn't think I could do it – until I walked in on her and this dude butt naked, fucking on her desk. She's moved out so now I'm on my own” Steve suddenly felt embarrassed. He felt as if he had shared too much and he'd cursed! Tony didn't speak for a moment, gathering the information and figuring out what he wanted to say next. Time felt like it had stopped for Steve, who broke eye contact and began nervously twisting a ring around his finger. “What?” Steve asked, almost wanting the ground to swallow him. Tony just smiled a perfect-teethed smile.

“Nothing. I'm happy for you. Kinda sucks that the girl was cheating on you, though” Tony patted him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess. But it's definitely for the best” Steve said, looking back to Tony, catching his gaze and turning away quickly.

“What? I don't bite” Tony joked.

“I know, I. Tony. Would...” Steve knew he was stuttering but he couldn't stop himself.

“If you're going to ask me if I would like to go for a drink, I'm totally up for it” Tony winked.

~

Both men sat at the bar on a crowded Friday night, drinking beers and getting lost in each others life stories. Steve told Tony about his childhood. He told him about his parents being married for 30 years, about his best friend, Bucky, being a police officer and how no matter what it always felt like he would never be good enough because he wanted to be a journalist and not something his dad 'could be proud of' He also told Tony about his past loves and how he had no idea what he was going to do with the future now that he wasn't being held back. Tony sat and listened intently, never breaking eye contact. Steve appreciated having someone's 100% undivided attention for once. 

Tony in turn told Steve about his wealthy father having a successful weapons/tech company and pressuring Tony to work for him, which is something that Tony never wanted to get into. He told Steve about how he was supported by his father and how it emasculated him greatly, but his passion for inventing things was too strong for him to give up on it. 

He told Steve how he didn't have many friends as he can't trust easily. Tony felt drawn to Steve, but didn't want to say anything too forward in case it scared him off and Steve was the only person in a long time that made him want to stick around for longer than a few drinks. 

“Tony, can you just” Steve slurred, wobbling slightly on the bar stool.

“Yes?” he grinned. He liked the sound of his name coming from Steve's mouth.

“Look, I'm sorry to be blunt and maybe rude, I guess. But are you gay?” 

“Yes, Steve” he laughed, crossing his arms and grinning at him. “Why?”

“No reason. You're really handsome. I guess you get told that a lot. But you shouldn't have sex in public. Gays still get abuse. I don't know why – you're no different to anyone else. Hey Tony, wanna know something funny?” Steve laughed, downing his drink and not looking at Tony. “I experimented in college with this guy. He doesn't speak to me anymore. He's a politicians son” he laughed.

Tony didn't say anything. Instead he sat and studied Steve's expressions intently. He would've loved to have taken a picture of him, right then and there. Steve looked beautiful in the dim light of the bar, his facial features illuminated softly. He realized then that Steve had definitely had quite a lot more to drink than him and decided that it was about time they left. 

Getting out of the cab, Tony held Steve up and told the cab driver to wait. He got the keys from Steve's pocket and opened the apartment door. Tony whistled.

“Nice place, man” still taking in how big it was for a one bedroom apartment. He noticed the paintings on the wall and the huge cream leather couch with fluffy throw pillows and a black glass coffee table in front of a 50 inch plasma television. Bookshelves filled most of the space as well as vinyls on a rack and bu-rays on another. Modern-vintage, how Steve.

“Right, I'll leave you now. Thanks for the drinks. I had a really good time, Steve”

Steve sat down heavily in an armchair next to the sofa. His head was spinning but his eyes were still open. He didn't feel like he was going to be sick. All of a sudden he had an urge for comfort. He wanted someone to wrap their arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Just for moment.

“Please stay, Tony” he said, almost pleading.

“I can't. The cabs waiting” Tony said guiltily.

“Oh” Steve said, his head bowed and his fingers anxiously tugging at his sleeves. 

Tony sighed quietly and ran down to pay the driver and ask him to leave. He locked the front door behind himself and pulled Steve into the bedroom. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was asleep. Tony took his shoes, pants and tie off and wrapped a blanket around him as he had laid on the sheets and Tony didn't want to disturb him. He then proceeded to take his own shoes and jacket off and scoot next to him on the bed. 

“Oh, Steve. This could get very interesting”

~

The sun streamed in through the half shut blinds. He woke to realize he was in his own bed. 'How did I get here?' He tried to lift his head but it was weighed down by an intense hangover. He groaned inwardly and swallowed hard. Dry mouth. He looked down to see he was wrapped in a blanket, his pants and shoes were off, as well as his tie. 'Tony!'

He stood up, legs shaking. He heard a sizzling of a pan and the faint noise of the radio. Peeking his head round his bedroom door, he looked into the kitchen to see a fresh looking Tony. He was dressed in skinny black tailor trousers, a brown leather belt, black Armani lace ups and a Ralph Lauren pale blue and white vertical striped shirt, his hair fluffy. 'He looks... no stop. Did he stay here?' Steve swallowed hard.

“Oh hello, sleepy head” Tony laughed as he put bacon onto a plate with sausages, toasted bread, beans and scrambled egg. “Sorry, I just took it upon myself to make breakfast for you. Was that okay? I didn't know what you liked either, so I just made a guess. OJ?” He beamed as Steve scratched his head and sat down at the breakfast bar.

“Thank you. Did you stay here last night?” he asked. He needed to know.

“Yes. I saw there was a spare key on the kitchen diner so I took it and let myself back in after I went home and showered” Tony looked shy.

“No it's fine. Don't worry. I'm thankful, honestly” Steve said. He genuinely was happy that he had stayed with him. He then cringed as he remembered practically begging him to stay. Tony handed him a glass of orange juice and put the plate in front of him.

“Eat! I have made plans for us today” he smiled, as he joined Steve on the breakfast bar.

~

Steve liked that Tony had made plans. He hadn't had plans on a Saturday in a very long time. He also liked that Tony wanted to spend time with him. They drove for a little while before Steve realized they were on their way to Crocker Art Museum. He turned to Tony and smiled at the side of his head, biting his lip, enjoying the rest of the journey.

“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really lovely time with you today, Tony” Steve gushed. 

Steve's heart then began to beat a little faster as he blushed and looked down at his hands. He got so nervous around Tony. He didn't understand what it was that made him feel so awkward. Sure, Tony was a good looking man, almost intimidatingly good looking, but why was he noticing things about him that he didn't usually notice in another man?

The rest of the day was a blur. The pair wandered round, discussing the art. Tony was really passionate about it. He had been since he was eleven and his mother bought him a paint set and a few canvas'. He hadn't spoken about his mother until then. 

Steve was still hungover so he went over to a kiosk in the museum to buy a bottle of water and sat down on one of the seats alongside a surrealism exhibition. He studied Tony's features from across the room. He was so striking. His dark hair curled and his stubble made him look older than twenty seven but in a handsome way. His chocolate eyes glittered over the incredible work that surrounded them. It was interesting to see him in his element. Steve thought about him in a studio, working on something, 'shirtless, paint over his hard body... Stop it, Steve!'

“Hey. You can't still be feeling bad after that delicious breakfast?” Tony said as approached Steve. 

“No. I'm fine. Just a little lightheaded” he lied.

“Hmm. I think it's lunch time. I know this fabulous little cafe. Come on” he gestured for Steve to get up and they headed into the city.

~

Over lunch they had discussed the surrealist movement and their favorite artists. It was as if they had been friends forever and when their hands touched as they both reached for pepper, Steve felt like he was in a classic romcom. After they had eaten, Steve invited Tony up into his apartment for a drink.

“I would love to” Tony said with a flirtatious tone.

Steve had pulled out a bottle of white wine and they sat on the living room floor with a Sinatra vinyl playing. 

“And it makes me laugh because all I ever wanted to do was please my father but as soon as mom bought me that art set, that was it. My heart was pulled towards creating beauty. I don't see beauty in the weapons my dad manufactures, you know? I went to college, got my art degree, an engineering degree too, but you know.. there's not a lot out there for me. I haven't found my big break. I've had shows and been involved with exhibitions in galleries but never had anything promising come my way. Sometimes I think maybe I should just give up, you know? But I can't because if I do that then my father will get me into his company and I just... I can't do that. My mom told me 'Tony, my beautiful boy, if this is what you want to do, then you must accomplish your dreams at any cost' and you know.. that was the last thing she ever said to me” Tony cleared his throat and took a big gulp of his wine. Steve felt awkward but his curiosity took over.

“What happened?” he whispered.

“She took her own life when I was fifteen” he said, his face white.

“Oh, I'm..” Steve began before being interrupted. 

“Yeah. Apparently a bottle of anti-depressants and a bottle of vodka can have serious effects on your body” he half-joked, half-winced. 

Steve decided not to say anything more. Instead he put his hand upon Tony's and stroked it softly. His hands were so delicate, yet rough. Tony looked into Steve's eyes for what seemed like forever and as they sat in silence, Steve felt compelled to kiss Tony but instead, not knowing if it was the right thing to do or not, he got up and pulled out another bottle of wine.

“I'm sorry to dampen the mood” Tony said with an apologetic smile, his eyes glittering with tears. 

The record finished and Tony went over to the turntable and changed it to a Best of Blondie album. A smile flashed upon his face and his eyes lit up. He stood up and pulled Steve over to him, starting to dance and sing along to 'Heart of Glass' Steve let go, he was comfortable and confident enough around Tony even though they had only spent a short amount of time with one another. As the record ended and went into 'Atomic' Tony had decided he'd had enough of dancing and sat back down.

“Oh man, I love Deborah Harry” he laughed as Steve joined him back on the floor. 

“She's brilliant, I agree” Steve smiled. 

They sat looking into each others eyes again but this time Tony wasn't going to hold back. He wanted Steve and he could tell that Steve wanted him. He held his palm to Steve's face softly and slowly ran his fingertips underneath his chin before bringing him in to kiss him.

As their lips touched, Steve gave into it and they began kissing each other hard and slow, feeling each other, running hands over each others bodies until Tony started to unbutton Steve's shirt. He unhooked his tie and pulled the shirt off his shoulders and began kissing down his neck slowly, then along his collarbones before expertly planting soft kisses on his chest. 

Steve was turned on. He knew he wanted this and he had never thought Tony would be attracted to him. He let out a hushed moan as Tony kissed down his chest to his stomach. 

“I've wanted to do this for so long” Tony breathed against his skin.

Steve bit his lip and thanked no one in particular for bringing Tony into his life.

Sunday day-time was practically a blur. The pair spent the whole day in bed, pleasuring one another and coming together. They then went into the shower together, had sex in there multiple times and then proceeded to the kitchen. They attempted to make themselves dinner but they couldn't keep their hands off one another. Eventually Steve suggested they go out to eat. 

~

They sat down in a booth in an Italian restaurant. Tony ordered Linguini with clam sauce and Steve had Carbonara. They also ordered a bottle of Calabrian wine as they had been drinking white wine on Saturday. They also ordered garlic dough-balls and bread sticks before their main. Tony exhaled as he looked directly into Steve's eyes.

“What is it?” Steve asked, shyly.

“Admiring the view. Why are you being coy with me, Mr? Have you forgotten what we've been doing all day?” he teased from across the table, placing his hand upon Steve's. 

The blond pulled his hand away as the waiter came over with their wine. After he had left Tony looked at him hard, eyes tinted with hurt.

“What the fuck was that?” he said, quietly.

“What? Oh. I'm sorry. It's just. I'm. Peggy and I only broke up like three days ago. I'm just worried someone will see us and question me about it all. I'm not ready to answer questions about us. You know?” Steve replied, trying to find the right words to use so he wouldn't offend Tony. 

“Oh god. No I'm sorry. Jesus, I don't know what came over me. I understand, of course” Tony said with slight embarrassment in his tone, looking down at the table. 

After they finished the wine and talked about getting away to Paris or Rome, they paid their bill and left. As they were walking down the street, Steve took a leap and slipped his arm around Tony's and joined his hand in his coat pocket. Tony flashed him a smile and they hailed a cab.

~

It had been about three weeks of blissful sex and eating out in restaurants together. Steve felt completely and utterly comfortable in Tony's company. He felt he could be himself and Tony wouldn't judge him. He would even dare go as far as saying he was smitten. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly for the pair as Steve got promoted to another column in the magazine and Tony had networked at an art show and been offered a chance to host an exhibition of his work in a gallery in New York.

Tony finally invited Steve to his apartment for a home-made meal after Steve had finished work one evening. As Tony was in the kitchen preparing the salad, Steve took a wander around the apartment. It was a beautiful place. It had an electric fire with an enormous piece of art hanging over the top, a black wooden coffee table that sat upon a plain black fur rug which was then complimented by large black suede couches that were lit by the moonlight coming through the glass wall that faced out towards the Sacramento skyline and the array of vanilla scented candles that Tony had lit in preparation for their romantic meal.

They sat down at a beautiful glass dining table on black cushioned dining chairs. Tony poured them each a glass of Champagne to toast to their newly found success. 

“Well done baby, you deserve this show in New York. I'm almost fan-girling. You're basically famous. New York! I can't wait” Steve buzzed, animatedly. 

“So you're coming with me then?” Tony's eyes lit up.

“Of course! I can get the time off work, so there's nothing to worry about. I'm so excited” Steve said as he took a sip of his champagne. 

“I love you” Tony said, almost too quickly for Steve to register. 

Steve choked on his drink and set it down slowly on a coaster. Tony looked down at his food and played with his fork before looking up again to see that Steve had moved from his seat. He was then pleasantly surprised with a kiss on the lips. Steve pulled away slowly and looked him in the eyes, stroking the back of his neck with tender fingertips.

“I love you too, Tony” he whispered.

That night, Tony and Steve made love ten times.

~

As they pulled up in a cab outside the gallery that Tony would be hosting his own show at, Steve turned to Tony and looked at the man that he adored.

“You make me so happy, Tony Stark”

“You make me a million times more happy, Steve Rogers” Tony teased.

They were greeted by Maximilian French, the man who owned the gallery and who had asked Tony to come and showcase his artwork. As Tony and Maximilian talked business, Steve took it upon himself to wander around the open space. 

“Excuse me, where are the restrooms, please?”

“Round the corner and to the left”

“Thank you”

Steve walked through the main lobby again, admiring the interior design. Marble floor, brass desk and chandelier's decorated the space perfectly. As he was gaping up at the chandelier which consumed almost the entirety of the ceiling, he walked straight into another another person.

“Oh god, I'm so sorry. I was looking up at the..” his voice trailed off as he recognized the woman staring back at him. 

“Peggy!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“Steve! I'm here in New York with my manager. We're doing some 'inspirational research' and I saw this fabulous painting and I thought that I would come and see the show, but I didn't know what time it was, so here I am! Yourself?” she smiled radiantly. Her auburn hair was now a dark brown and her pale skin was complimented by a beautiful gold and indigo dress, finished with cold strap Gucci heels. He stopped for a second. Unsure of what to say. Tony came round the corner to his rescue.

“Tony Stark!” Peggy gushed. “I'm a huge fan. Your work is absolutely incredible. The painting you did of the 'unknown twenty year old housewife' was breath taking” Remembering herself, she gestured to Steve. “Oh, sorry this is my friend...”

“Steve. I know. What's your name? Your dress is fabulous. Let me guess, Chanel?” Tony said smoothly.

“Peggy. Yes! How did you know?” she beamed.

“I have impeccable taste” he winked.

Steve looked down at his shoes. Tony put his arm around his waist and pulled him into his body. Peggy looked puzzled until a smile stretched across her face.

“Steve?” she asked, still smiling her dazzling smile.

“Tony and I are together, Peg” he said, trying to judge her expression.

Suddenly she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. She then pulled away and then held Steve by the face. 

“Oh Steve, I'm so happy you're finally being true to yourself” she breathed.

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused.

“Come on, Steve. You're gay! You've always been gay. Ever since Clint in our senior year” She pulled away and put her hands up to her face and lifted her shoulders in a proud manner. “And you've got yourself a real man, too!” 

“How did you know about Clint?!” Steve asked. He felt like he was watching himself from the outside. It was all too surreal.

Dismissing the Clint question, she turned to Tony. “You've got yourself a very brilliant boyfriend, Mr Stark. I hope you know that”

Tony turned to look at Steve who was stunned that Peggy knew and he didn't. He never said anything to her about it, and yes he had experimented in college but who didn't? He scratched his head in amazement. 

“Oh, I know” he smiled devilishly. 

“What time should I be here tonight?” She asked.

“Seven” Steve whispered, still stunned.

They laughed and Peggy then extended her hand to Tony.

“I will see you tonight then. I'm very excited. Pleasure to meet you. See you, Steve.” and with that she was gone. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Steve breathed in shock.

“You just came out to your ex” he laughed. He then pulled Steve into him and kissed him softly on the mouth. “How do you feel?”

Steve looked hard into Tony's eyes and smiled.

“I feel fantastic” and Steve pulled Tony into him again for another kiss.  
~

Maximilian was entertaining his guests as the show started. Tony was looking nervously round the side of the curtain. He was breathing deeply, trying to calm his nerves. 'If this goes well then I could get my big break. All I have to do is impress these people and it's plain sailing. Fuck fuck fuck' Steve put his arms around his waist from behind him and kissed the back of his neck. 

“You'll be fine. Just be yourself. The art will speak for itself anyway. I'm excited. You do realize that I've only ever seen what has been published in a magazine” Steve said.

“I'm so fucking nervous. What if no one likes it? Or they don't get my concept? Fuck, Steve, what if no one even bothers to stay? Or buy a painting. Oh god I'd quit right then and there” he panicked.

Steve spun him round and grabbed his wrists. 

“You are beautiful, talented and enthralling. No one is going to tell you otherwise. Everyone will love you. Now, go out there and introduce YOUR show! I'm so proud of you” He kissed Tony on the lips and turned him back round, nudging him softly through the curtain, slowly following behind him.

The gallery erupted with clapping and cheers as Tony walked out from behind the curtain. He was in complete awe as he turned to Steve and smiled at him. He looked back round to the sea of people and smiled his famous Tony Stark smile. Maximilian then introduced Tony and said some kind words about his collection and then Tony introduced the showcase, spoke a bit about his work, his influences, his earlier work and eventually what inspired him to create the collection he was exhibiting for them to see. Another round of applause and then the cloaks were lifted from the canvases and the crowd started to move around the room, admiring the fine brush strokes, the immaculate tones and overall incredible quality of the paintings. 

Steve kissed Tony on the cheek before moving off on his own to look at the paintings. Tony was being swooned over by critics and other journalists. It was his time to shine, so he left him to it. He then spotted Peggy and headed over to her and her date. 

“Steve! Tony is so talented. How did you manage to get yourself an artist, hey?” she teased. “This is Loki, Loki this is my friend Steve. His boyfriend is the artist” she smiled.

Loki extended his hand.

“Your boyfriend is a very talented man” he said politely, a crisp edge to his voice. “I'm an aspiring painter. I think the way he works is truly stunning. I'd love to gain a deeper understanding of his talent”

“Thank you. Did you want to speak to him? I'm sure he wouldn't mind” Steve asked.

“No, no. I will let him deal with the other people tonight. How long are you in the city for?” Loki said.

“Four more days” Steve answered.

“Well” Loki said, taking out a card. “Here's my number. The four of us should have dinner before you go” he shot Steve a teethy smile before Steve took the card and put it inside his jacket pocket.

“Of course. See you soon. Peggy” He nodded courteously and left.

Just as Steve took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, he spotted it. The head of the collection. The piece that Tony kept so secret that he wasn't even sure if it was real. His jaw dropped as he took it in. Tony caught Steve standing and gaping at the canvas and swiftly approached him. He stood beside him and whispered.

“Don't freak out” 

“I'm not freaking out” Steve stood firmly, still staring at the painting.

“Are you sure?” he questioned, slightly worried that what he'd done was a major fuck up. “You look like you're freaking out”

“No. Yes. I don't know. Tony, that's my face” he half whispered, half shouted. 

People started to turn and look at the pair. Tony took his arm and lead him over to the side. He straightened out his blazer and cleared his throat. Steve stood with his mouth open, eyes fixed on Tony. 'Please don't say I've fucked this up, please don't'

“Steve, talk to me” he pleaded.

“Sorry” Steve said slowly, shaking his head as if to focus his mind. “It was just a bit... of a shock, I suppose. I didn't expect my face to be the center piece of your collection” 

“So you're mad?” Tony asked, his heart sinking.

“A little warning would've been nice” he looked down at his feet, bringing his arm up to his neck. “But no. I'm sorry, of course I'm not mad. Oh god. You really love me, don't you?” he asked, staring into Tony's eyes.

“Of course I do. You're everything to me, my muse” he beamed back.

“Well then, I am sincerely flattered. I love you Mr Stark, more than you'll ever know” he kissed his lips and with that they carried on the night, arm in arm.

~

Peggy, Loki, Steve and Tony gathered round a table in The Breslin. At first Tony didn't want to go as he thought Loki was just another fan with a lot of questions that he didn't really want to answer, but Steve had asked nicely as Peggy was going to be there so he stopped dragging his heels and they made 8 o'clock reservations. The restaurant was cosy and beautifully decorated and had a fabulous menu that catered to everyone's taste. 

“So, Loki, what do you do for a living?” Tony got the ball rolling.

“I work with my brother doing charity fundraisers. It's very rewarding, but I would love to be able to create something beautiful and then of course have my work recognized and share my fortune with the charities my brother helps run” he says, too matter-of-factly for Tony's liking. 

“That's really interesting, Loki” Steve said, sensing Tony's icy reaction. 

“Yes. I've always enjoyed art and my father is a collector. Tell me, Tony, did you sell any of your paintings?” Loki asked.

“All of them” Tony smiled wolfishly.

“I'm very pleased for you. It must be hard accomplishing your own dreams when your father is a man of great power” He looked like he was trying to get one up on Tony, but he was far too clever for the likes of someone like Loki.

“My father has nothing to do with this conversation at all. Of course he'd prefer me to be with him at Stark Industries, but I was once told to follow my own dreams at all costs” he quipped.

“Well, I know exactly what I will be having to drink – a nice big glass of wine” Peggy breathed out.

“I second that” Steve agreed.

~

On their way back to California, Steve put his hand in Tony's and asked him whether he would like to go and see a play that was showing in the theater. Tony agreed and they went back to Steve's apartment, got changed and went straight out again.

The play was about an orphaned child who gained the ability to see into the future after a bus crash. It was very heartbreaking and Steve found himself in tears, with Tony holding his hand tightly, passing him tissue after tissue. When it had finished they left the theater and decided to go for a drink in a new club that opened. 

“Is it a gay bar? Steve laughed.

“Of course it's a gay bar. But I've heard it's a classy one, for the gentleman gays” Tony laughed harder as they joined the back of the queue.

Someone spotted Tony and before they knew it, they were in the club before everyone else. The bar was busy, a lot of topless men were dancing on pedestals whilst men in shirts and bow-ties served drinks. There were all sorts of people in there and a lot of them were middle aged men in suits. Tony led Steve to the bar and ordered two glasses of wine. They found a cute little booth and admired the view. Steve had never been to a gay bar before. He was in awe with the drag queens, dressed head to toe in Chanel and Alexander McQueen. The neon blue and pink lights coincided with metallic silver curtains that hung from the ceiling to the floor and a disco ball. The bar was white with a silver top and there were mirrors behind it.

He downed his wine and told Tony he was going to the men's room. Tony caught the eye of a man sitting at the bar, smiling at him. He smiled back politely and took another sip of his drink wishing Steve would hurry up. The man then made his way over to the booth and introduced himself.

“Hi, I'm Bruce” he extended his hand.

“Tony” he smiled.

“Are you here on your own, Tony?” he questioned, flirtation on the tip of his tongue. Tony took a moment to think about Steve and where the fuck he could be.

“No” he replied, eyes gleaming. “You?”

“I was” he smiled back. “Where are your friends?” 

“Men's room” he laughed, taking a sip of his wine.

“Do you mind if I sit?” he gestured to the empty side of the booth.

Tony looked round to see if Steve was back yet. No sign of him. He smiled and nodded at Bruce, who then sat down and brushed his knee against Tony's. He licked his lips and apologized, a grin spread across his face. 

“So what do you do, Bruce?” Tony asked, genuinely intrigued.

“I'm a scientist. I'm not crazy, though don't worry” he laughed.

“I wasn't going to judge” Tony said laughing, putting his hands up defensively. 

“You know, I swear I've seen you before. Yes! You're Tony Stark, the artist. I read about your showcase in New York” he smiled. “Stunning work”

“Thank you very much” Tony said, almost blushing.

“A toast to your work and may the future hold great things for you” They clinked glasses.

Steve came out of the toilets after witnessing a man being sucked off in one cubicle and another doing 3 consecutive lines of coke off the top of a urinal. He didn't fancy staying any longer. The journey home had made him tired, as well as watching the play and crying. He was ready to crash in bed with the man he loved. When he walked round the corner and saw Tony almost sitting on and flirting with a dark haired guy in a pair of tight slacks and a v-neck shirt, he had decided that was enough. He leaned over the stranger, grabbed his jacket and slipped out the door before Tony had a chance to realize what had just happened. Running out after him, Steve was nowhere to be seen. 

'We go into one gay bar, there ten minutes and he's throwing himself at other men. I bet he was in his fucking element. Probably knew half the people in there, the slut. I'm so fucking mad. What have they got that I haven't? He told me he loved me but as soon as there's a dick with muscles that's me out the window. I gave him a key to my fucking apartment, I've showed him how much I love him. How could he do this to me?'

~

Walking through the door, he was praying that Steve would be home. He felt like an idiot. Harmless flirting was a no go when in relationships and he didn't realize it would upset Steve so much. He realized that Steve had never been in that situation before and had also not seen him before their relationship. Admittedly, Tony was a slut but he had changed for the better because he loved Steve.

“Steve! Where are you?” he called out, wandering round the apartment. Finally he tried to open the bathroom door but it was locked from the inside.

“Go away, Tony. I don't want to see you right now” Steve hissed through the door.

Tony's heart sank. He didn't mean to fuck it up. It was nothing, it meant nothing. It was just friendly conversation. He didn't lie about being there with anyone. Though he should've told him it was his boyfriend...

“I'm sorry, Steve. It didn't mean anything. We were just talking. I was waiting for you to come back” he pleaded through the wood that separated them.

“I can't believe you would wait until I went to the rest room to start flirting with strangers” he hissed. Tony could detect the sadness in his voice and he then realized that Steve had been crying again.

“Baby please open the door. Let me explain” he begged, hitting the door.

“Please leave” he sobbed.

“Not until you open this fucking door!” Tony yelled.

Steve didn't say anything. Instead he cried harder into his hands as he sat on the edge of the bath tub. When did he become so sensitive? He would have never flipped out if it was Peggy being hit on in a bar. But things were different with Tony. He knew sooner or later, he'd have to leave the bathroom and face him. He dragged himself up, wiped his eyes in the mirror and opened the door after taking a long deep breath.

“Oh baby, I'm so sorry” Tony choked as he pulled Steve's hard body into his and kissed him on the top of the head as many times as possible. 

Steve just stood there, hands by his side, not moving or saying a word. He felt numb. He just wanted to go to sleep and pretend it never happened. He hated people seeing him cry and letting Tony know he hurt him was the last thing he wanted to deal with but there was something welling up inside of him that was hurting, pulling his throat tight and making it hard for him to breathe. And he was angry. He was so uncontrollably angry. 

“Please say something, baby. Please. I said I was sorry. It was harmless. I'm not like that, Steve. I love you” Tony said, leaning back and rubbing Steve's arms.

“I think sometimes you forget that the first night we met, you had just finished fucking some stranger in a public park” Steve spat. 

Tony dropped his arms and stepped back. His expression dazed and wounded all at once. Steve's face dropped as he realized what he said was a completely below the belt and was totally un-called for. Steve opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He was shocked that he could be so cruel. 

Placing his key on the kitchen diner, Tony left the apartment without another word.

~

A week passed and not a single word was spoken between them. Tony was at his apartment and Steve was at his. Steve was pretty sure their relationship was over but he couldn't bare to throw out the things that reminded him of Tony. His heart felt heavy in his chest, he'd wake up after a nightmare and reach out for him only to find an empty cold space in the bed. He cried for three days straight and called in sick for work. Eventually he decided he had to do something about what was happening. He had no one to talk to about this as Peggy was still in New York and his parents didn't even know about Tony.

Tony didn't cry. Instead he paced his apartment like a zombie with the phone in his hand, trying to work up the courage to call Steve. He assumed the relationship was over as there had been no contact and thought calling would only confirm his assumption. He felt sick to his stomach and all he wanted to do is hear Steve's voice telling him everything was okay.

~

Another week passed and Steve had made arrangements to go and see his family in Brooklyn as work had agreed to let him have some time off. He needed to get away from his lonely apartment for a while. Before he left he decided to call Tony just to let him know that he could collect this things whilst he was away. Luckily he had not answered so he left a message.

“Tony, it's me. Look, I'm going to Brooklyn to see my family for a bit. I'm just calling to let you know that you can collect your things between 6pm tonight until whenever. I would rather you come and collect them tonight though. I'm sorry I haven't called, but I'm stubborn and.. oh gosh why am I apologizing. Right, just collect your things – there will be a key under the flowerpot, leave it on the kitchen diner when you're done. Thanks”

'Wow, that was the longest message in the world. Why did I say thanks at the end? He's going to think I'm a total douche. Oh well, he was the one that messed up, not me. It's his fault. I just wish I. No. he messed up. I'm not going to punish myself anymore'

Tony got the message as he stepped out of the shower. FUCK. He tried to call back but there was no answer. He decided that the best thing to do was go and see him before he left and try to convince him to stay.

He was too late. Steve had already left for his parents and all that was in the apartment was a shell of what there once was. There were two boxes of things that belonged to Tony and other things that he had bought for Steve in romantic fits of love. Their relationship was in two boxes and that was where it was staying.

~

Stepping through the door of his parents house, he leaped into his mothers arms and held on for dear life. She closed the door and put the tea pot on the stove. Steve bared all, every gory detail to his mothers shock and confusion and his fathers. Once he had finished and had used a box of tissues and drunk three green teas, he was finally calm.

“Wow, Steve. All I can say is that I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You shouldn't have to take people's shit” his father tapped his back.

“I'm sorry, pops. I hope you're not disappointed that I'm...”

“Gay? Oh, Steve. I had my suspicions. But you're my son, I will never stop loving you. I know you think I push you but it's only because I love you and I want the best for you. You're my child and I will support you no matter what” He took Steve's hand and rubbed it. 

“We love you sweetie. It doesn't matter what your sexual preference is. It's a shame about Tony though. He sounded perfect for you” His mother gushed.

“He is... was” Steve trailed off.

“I'm sure everything will fix itself, my boy. Now, let's get you settled in your room”

Nothing had changed in his bedroom. The wallpaper was the same, the floorboard nearest the window still creaked and his bed was still the most uncomfortable piece of shit in the world, but he was home and he was happy. 

His mother knocked at the door and slowly let herself in.

“Steve, honey, we're going into town. Did you want anything?”

“Actually mom, I think I'll come with you”

Whilst his parents fussed in the supermarket, Steve took a stroll down memory lane and inhaled the finest smells of his home borough. Nothing had changed but the people looked older, the wildlife was fuller and cars were faster. He noticed a bustle around city hall and made his way over to have a look at what all the fuss was about.

There was a fundraiser being held for a charity he'd never heard of. People were lining up to buy tickets for a seat at an auction and dinner. Steve took it upon himself to put his name, his fathers, mothers, Bucky's and his wife's names down. 'Hey, it's for charity. It could be fun' 

When he gave the short lady in a summer dress the money, he stepped back and turned around to look at the row of shops again. He then turned around as he heard a familiar voice.

“Steve? Is that Steve Rogers?” the voice called out.

“Oh, hello Loki. Nice to see you” he said, shaking his hand and throwing him a smile.

“What're you doing here?” Loki asked.

“I... I have come to visit my parents for a few days, you?” he questioned.

“My brother is hosting the fundraiser” he smiled.

“Oh, yes, of course” Steve flushed red.

“Where's Tony?” Loki asked, looking around.

“We um. We broke up” Steve looked down at his feet.

Loki apologetically smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. He then invited him for a drink that evening and Steve agreed. Loki said he would pick him up at seven and with that they departed.

~

Tony loaded the boxes into his car and went back into the apartment one last time just to say goodbye. He place the key on the kitchen diner. 'Please come back to me, Steve'

~

“So is this like a date?” Steve's mother asked, ironing his shirt.

“Um, no. We're friends. Plus I'm sure he's straight” Steve laughed.

“Well be careful” his father called from the living room. 

Steve shuddered with embarrassment and his mother laughed. Once his mother had finished ironing his shirt, he kissed her on the cheek, thanked her and went upstairs to get ready. He checked his phone. No new messages, no missed calls. 'It's really over'

Loki pulled up in his brand new green and gold sports car and Steve hopped in. When they stopped driving they pulled up outside a cute little diner with a flashing neon sign saying 'open' and a pin-up girls face winking. The diner itself was old school in the sense that it had been designed to look like a 1940's vintage American diner. He was in heaven. 

Loki smiled, knowing that he had made the right choice bringing Steve here on the outskirts of New York. They chose a booth and sat down on the red leather seats. They looked over the menu but they weren't really hungry so they got a french fries to share and a milkshake each. 

“My mom thought this was a date” Steve laughed as they drank their shakes.

“Is it not?” Loki smiled.

Steve suddenly felt awkward. He thought about Tony and then pushed him out of his head. They weren't together anymore so why should he care. He touched Loki's hand with his fingertips and before he knew it they were in the alley behind the diner, kissing each other hard on the mouth whilst Loki fondled with the zip on Steve's jeans. 

Something snapped in Steve's head and he pushed Loki away. 'What am I doing? I am not this person. Tony... Oh my sweet Tony' But Loki didn't back off. He leaned into Steve hard and carried on kissing him and then he took his own cock out and pushed Steve to his knees and bent his neck so he was in Steve's mouth. He grunted as he fucked his mouth and within a couple of minutes he came, pulled his pants back up and got in the car.

Steve didn't look at him the whole way back into town. He felt sick, violated, used and disgusted with himself. Loki dropped him off and before he let Steve leave the car he grabbed his wrist.

“You fucking tell anyone about what happened and I will eat you for breakfast. You understand, Rogers?” he growled in a venomous way. Steve nodded and shook his wrist free, slamming the door and practically running up the pathway of his garden. He locked the door behind him and sank to the floor beneath him.

'What the fuck have I got myself into?' All he wanted was for Tony to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be fine, just the way he wanted him to that first night they slept next to each other. That night he had asked Tony to stay with him because he didn't want to be alone. That morning when he woke up to breakfast and he had planned a little day out for them. The first time they made love... everything was flooding his mind. His stomach pulled and quickly he ran to the toilet and threw up. Clinging to the toilet he started to cry. 'Where are you, Tony? Where are you?'

~

Tony had received a phone call in the middle of night from the hospital. They had told him that his father had suffered a heart attack but was recovering in the Cardiac Unit. He got there as fast as he could. When he was eventually allowed to go into the room, his father was still asleep so he sat next to him in a chair. He took his hand and kissed it.

“I'm so sorry, dad. I just wanted to follow my passions like mom told me. I wanted to show you I could achieve things on my own. This is my fault, because I'm not around to look after you. I know we haven't been close since mom died and I think maybe that's because we blame each other for her death but I can't lose you too. You're all I have and like it or not, I'm all you have. So don't give up. I promise I will start pulling my weight and making the effort to maintain a relationship. I know you will only think I'm saying this because you nearly died, but I mean, maybe that is part of it, but I need my dad. I need someone in my life who is a constant. I fuck up all my relationships and it all comes from this root. I, I love you dad” he sobbed. He did not realize his dad was awake the whole time.

~

Steve awoke and relived the horrible thing that had happened to him almost straight away. It was the day of the charity auction so he was now expected to get ready and go. Bucky was coming with Nancy. He hadn't seen Bucky in a long time and was skeptical about it at first but as soon as they saw each other, their arms opened wide and it was as if they hadn't spent any time apart. 

They made their way to city hall and found their table. The hall had been decorated with vintage table clothes, curtains, staging and vintage themed balloons and other decorations. The auction started with a pair of shoes worn once by a prince. Steve wanted them and bid, eventually winning them and feeling good about the money going to charity. He spotted Loki in the crowd and his stomach twisted into knots. 'Make it go away'

~

Tony had fallen asleep in the chair beside his fathers bed. He was awoken when his father had called for a nurse so he could talk to a doctor. Tony listened to everything the doctor said. It was caused by extremely high blood pressure. He explained it was an occupational hazard. He was told he'd be released in the next forty eight hours as they needed to keep him in for observation. 

“Tony” he whispered once the doctor had left the room.

“Yes?” he replied.

“I heard what you said. I'm sorry for everything that's happened between us. I pushed myself into work when your mother died and I wasn't a father to you. I want you to know that no matter what you do I will always be proud. You are making your mother proud too. I love you, Anthony” he breathed.

“I love you too, dad” Tony hugged him gently. “Do you need anything?” he asked as he wanted to freshen up. 

“No, I'm fine son. Thank you. Hey, that boyfriend of yours will take you back. You've got the Stark charm” he attempted a wink before Tony laughed and left the room. 

In the five minutes he was gone, his father had another heart attack and due to the severity of the first one, the doctors were unable to save him.

~

As the auction finished and the dinner was about to begin, Steve went up to give his details for the charity. He was pulled aside by Loki on his way back.

“What do you want?” Steve hissed.

“Oh come on now, baby. Don't play hard to get. I know you enjoyed our date last night” Loki whispered hard into his ear.

“Get away from me, you pig” Steve pushed him away and went back to his table as fast as he could to enjoy the rest of the night with his family.

~

“Hi, it's me... I just wanted to let you know that I picked my stuff up and I left the key on the diner. I... fuck, Steve. I need you. I can't do this without you. My dad, my dad he's... he had. Steve, my dad is dead. Steve I need you, please call me”

Tony clutched his phone as tight as he could in his hand all night waiting for Steve to call back, but he didn't. He watched his father being taken out of the room with a sheet over his head, he had to sign legal papers, sort out a funeral, the will reading... He couldn't do all of it by himself. He needed Steve. Maximilian came to help with the legal things as he knew what he was doing with that kind of thing and Tony didn't have a clue. Maximilian sat down with the lawyers (and his fathers close friends) and went through everything. He still hadn't heard from Steve and it had been five days since leaving him the message.

~

On his way back to Sacramento, Steve's phone finally let him have the messages that could not get through to him in Brooklyn for some reason. He was horrified when he had heard the messages from Tony. He asked the driver to go straight to Tony's apartment instead of his own.

~

Arriving outside Tony's apartment, he paid the driver in a rush and ran clumsily up the stairs with his suitcase and bag. Banging on the door and ringing the buzzer more times than he was able to count, he was met by no answer. Eventually when he realized that there was no one in, he sank to the floor, let go of his bags and rested his head in his hands.

A hand then touched his shoulder and Steve jumped and whipped his head up. 

“Steve! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you” Maximilian's kind face looked down at him. 

He extended his arm to help him up. He accepted the offer and shakily stood, leaning against the glass door. He felt weak, his body ached. 

“Where is he, Max?” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes heavy.

“He didn't say. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would go home. I'll call you if I hear anything” the man smiled, taking out his phone and dialing a number. “Yes, Mr Rogers is here. Could you send the car round and take him to his apartment. Thank you” He clicked off the phone.

~

After having a shower and unpacking, Steve felt like a loose part. He walked around the empty apartment. 'How did everything change so much? This place used to be so full of life. Now... now it's nothing and it's all my fault' 

Steve shifted uncomfortably in his shoes. His breathing slowing as he picked up his phone to check it. Nothing. Suddenly it hit him and he grabbed his jacket off the rack, his keys jingling as he snatched them off the side and set off down the street.

~

The sun was setting again. The glow of the oranges and yellows softly warming the ivy and chestnut trees that enclosed the garden. The gap in the bushes had been disturbed and breaking through, he looked toward the bench that they had their first conversation on, to see a figure hunched over. He slowly moved towards the ball of a silhouette. He reached out, sensing who it was.

“Tony” he whispered. 

The figure looked up, eyes wide and trickling with tears. His arms fell down by his side and legs became un-tucked. Tony let out a desperate groan. Steve joined him on the bench and pulled him into an embrace, kissing the top of his head. 

“Oh Tony, I'm so sorry” he breathed, Tony falling into the embrace and letting out an even louder groan. The sadness choking him. “I never should've left you, I'm so sorry” Steve's heart felt heavy in his chest as he held the man that he loved more than anything. He knew that they could get through what had happened. He wanted to help the man, take his pain and break it into pieces. 

“Thank you for coming back” Tony whispered, moving closer than Steve thought was possible, their chests touching, both hearts beating against one another, their arms tangled and breathing synchronized. They sat for a while longer, Tony still weeping into Steve's shoulder.

“Come on, baby. Let's get you home”

~

Tucking the quilt around Tony, Steve looked down at the man that he loved. Tony's stubble was thicker than usual, his hair messy, blotchy red cheeks from crying. He took a seat on the other side of the bed before Maximilian softly knocked on the bedroom door. Steve looked over to him and smiled weakly. 

“How is he?” the older gentleman asked with a whisper. 

Steve got up and they left the room, closing the door quietly behind them. They moved to the kitchen and Steve asked if Maximilian would like a drink. Maximilian had become a good friend of Tony's since becoming his manager. He had given Tony so many opportunities and both of them were pleased and thankful to him. Tony's career was setting off and Steve felt guilty for leaving as it was happening. Maximilian took the glass of wine that he had poured and they stood in silence for a moment before Steve started to speak.

“I really appreciate you being here for him, Max. I'm sure Tony does too. I'm sorry that I left and wasn't here to help. I feel so guilty, but I just couldn't deal with... I saw a flicker of Tony before there was 'us' and it hit me. I got scared and ran out. It was the wrong thing to do. Thank you so much for your help though, you've been golden from what Tony has told me. When's the funeral?” Steve took a big gulp of wine and Maximilian smiled, the crinkles in the corner of his eyes deepening.

“You're welcome. It's understandable. He knows you needed space. You're his anchor, you're what grounds him. If there was no you, then there would be no Tony Stark. He's lost himself recently. I hope you can find it in you to forgive him... The funeral is tomorrow” he threw a warm smile, patting Steve on the shoulder. “He had a nightmare the other night. A real bad one about his dad. He screamed out your name until I ran in the room. I hope you don't think I'm overstepping here – but he does love you and I think you'd be idiots if you didn't at least try and work things out” he stood, awkwardly, not knowing how Steve was going to react to the comment. Maximilian French was a broad man, silver hair and tanned skin. He wore a gold Rolex, complimented with a gold wedding band and cufflinks. He always wore a suit and Armani shoes. Steve thought it would be funny to see him casually. 'He probably has pyjama suites' 

Steve smiled, still reeling from what Max had just told him. He hated the thought of Tony calling for him and not being able to be there for him because of something that now seemed so silly. He wanted to take back what he said but knew he couldn't. He would make it up to him if it was the last thing he did.

“Thank you, Max” he whispered.

Maximilian left for the night and Steve crept back into bed with Tony. He stilled as Tony took a sharp intake of breath and rolled over to cuddle into Steve. He slipped down beside the brunette and kissed his cheek, stroking his side. 'Everything will be okay'

~  
The funeral went quickly, people showed up from all over the world to pay their respects. Howard Stark was a well-rounded, intelligent and liked man. Tony stood with his hands by his sides and his ray-ban's on, Steve with him every second of the way. When the wake was in full swing, people came up to him and told him they were sorry for his loss. Tony then stood up, drunk on whiskey, in front of everyone and made a speech.

“Everyone, I would like everyone's attention” he slurred. “I just wanted to thank you for coming. My dad would've loved the fuss. I just wanted to talk to you about our relationship, as most of you can probably guess, it wasn't perfect, hey I'd even go as far of saying there was barely one there but as we sat in that hospital room, we talked. It might not have been for a long time, but it was enough for me to tell him that I loved him and that I was sorry. Now I can't prove to him that I was sorry for not being there and we can never have that relationship we had promised each other. So, I urge you all to make amends now with anyone that you've wronged, who's wronged you, tell people how you feel, clear the air and don't wait until it's too late. Raise a glass to my dad, businessman, inventor, billionaire, friend, husband and father. We'll miss him” 

Tony drained his glass and stepped down for the small staging area. A few people went up to him and shook his hand, patting him on the back and Maximilian asked them kindly to give him some space as Tony hid his face and hunched over, being walked out of the room. Steve joined them at the back of the hall outside. Maximilian smiled and left, leaving the pair alone. 

Tony threw himself down on a wooden crate by the fire door and put his hands through his hair and exhaled loudly. He let out a small laugh and blinked hard before turning his attention to Steve, who was standing awkwardly dressed in black. 

“Thanks for being here. You didn't think that was too much do you?” he laughed, throwing his hand in the direction of the door.

“No, it was fine. You were fine” Steve said.

“Ah. I just, I just wanted people to know that even though it was on his death bed, we made amends. He left everything to me, you know. Apart from a couple things that he wanted his partners to have. I've decided I'm going to let his partners sort S.I out by themselves. I've also given Maximilian the deed to dad's house. It's nothing now. Just an empty part of my past” he rubbed his eyes and gestured for Steve to sit next to him. “Steve, look, I'm sorry about what happened. I don't want you to think that by my dad dying that you HAVE to come back to me. I don't want you to feel trapped. I just want you to know that I haven't stopped thinking about you. I love you. I just want to work this out, even if we only end up being friends. I need you in my life, no matter what” he admitted, looking directly into Steve's eyes. 

His hands twitched, he wanted to touch him but he was trying to gauge Steve's reaction. After what seemed like an eternity, Steve opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again.

“I need to tell you something” Steve whispered, his heart in his throat. 

“What?” Tony looked wary. 

“When I was in Brooklyn, Loki was there with his brother doing a fundraiser in city hall and we got talking and Loki invited me out for a drink...” he stopped, Tony shuffling back on the crate, his mouth open, his eyes welling up. “Listen to me... We went on what was actually supposed to be a date. You and I weren't together and I wanted a night out, I guess... It went alright, we talked for a while. Then things got weird. We left the diner and started making out” Steve looked down after seeing Tony flinch. “It got weird.. because. He pushed me down and.. he made me.. suck” Tony stopped him by putting his fingers to Steve's lips as he saw Steve's eyes starting to pour. He looked up and stared hard and long into Tony's eyes. “He made me do it” he said against Tony's fingers.

~

After the revelation of the attack on Steve, Tony made it his mission to make Loki pay. They hadn't actually had the conversation Tony had wanted, especially finding out that Steve had gone out with another man. 'We weren't together, I understand... but I'm still jealous and hurt' 

Tony had asked Steve to call Loki to arrange another 'date' with the intention of him showing up and confronting Loki but Steve just couldn't do it.

“Please don't make me talk to him” he pleaded.

“But he needs someone to put him in his place and I will gladly do it to make sure he never hurts you or anyone else again” Tony said, understanding it was a big ask but wanting Steve to feel safe and somewhat normal again. 'Steve is mine and no one is ever going to hurt him again'

~

“I didn't think you'd be calling me, Rogers” Loki laughed down the phone, making Steve's stomach triple. 

“I wanted to apologize for freaking out. I was still cut up about Tony” Steve lied, well, half lied.

“Let's forget about it and go out. I will come by and pick you up in an hour” 

“Okay” and with that they clicked off.

Tony was holding Steve's other hand, squeezing it for support. Steve dropped the phone in his lap and looked round to him. 

“I don't know if I can do this. He makes me feel physically sick” Steve sank into the sofa, letting go of Tony's hand.

“You can do it baby” Tony smiled, reassuringly. “Sorry, I didn't mean to call you..” his voice trailed off as he bowed his head awkwardly.

Steve grabbed his face, pulling Tony on top of him. He pressed his lips against Tony's and ran his fingertips underneath his shirt, stroking his spine. Tony moaned softly against Steve's lips. They kissed harder, pulling at each others clothes until they were undressed, still kissing. The blond's legs wrapped round Tony on the couch. He moaned with pleasure as they began moving against each other.

“I've missed you” Tony purred into Steve's ear. Steve kissed him harder, his tongue finding the brunettes, his hands supporting him. 

“I've missed you, too” he breathed.

~

Loki pulled up outside the apartment and rang the buzzer. Tony went to hide in the bedroom as Steve invited him up for a drink first. Loki accepted the offer and came up to Steve's floor. Loki scoped out the place, liking what he saw. Steve offered him the selection of beverages he had in the kitchen. They decided on wine and Loki took a seat on the sofa. 

Steve joined him awkwardly and Loki started complaining about work. Steve wasn't interested at all and just wanted to get him out of the apartment. He had no idea what Tony had planned on doing but he wanted it to be over and done with. The mood changed and as he set his glass down on the table, Loki leaped across the couch and attempted to kiss Steve. The blond rejected and moved his face so Loki kissed his cheek.

“What is wrong with you?!” Loki shouted. He then put his hands around Steve's neck and pressed his lips to his. The glass in his hand slipped and crashed to the floor and the next thing he knew, Tony was pulling Loki off and tackling him to the floor.

There was a struggle as the men fought for the upper hand and Steve sat on the sofa not knowing what to do, frightened at the sight. Tony got a couple of punches to Loki's ribs and Loki retaliated with a couple of blows to his stomach. Tony then pushed Loki against the wall and held him by the collar of his shirt.

“If you ever go near Steve again I will fuck you up. You're disgusting. You're nobody. If you have to bully people into fucking you then you don't deserve to be touched, especially not by anyone like Steve, who is ten times the man you'll ever be. Now, apologize!” he ordered, still holding him by the collar. Loki looked over at Steve, glared at him and then back to Tony.  
“I said fucking apologize!” Tony shouted, again.

“I'm sorry, okay. I'm so sorry” Loki held his hands up, gritting his teeth.

Tony let go slowly and straightened out his shirt, Loki did the same. They stood for a second before Loki shot a horrible look at Steve, walked into Tony with his shoulder and out of the apartment. They waited until they heard the car pull away before moving from their positions. Steve then ran up to Tony and jumped into his arms, kissing his neck and cheek.

“You're my savior” he laughed into Tony's ear, kissing it. 

~

It had been two weeks since the Loki incident and as the pair sat down for dinner, there was a strange tension in the air. The restaurant was quiet and they were sat in a corner booth. Tony had ordered their food and a bottle for the table, fingering his blazer pocket intensely. He could hardly look Steve in the eye, sweat beads forming under his dark curls. Steve reached out, taking Tony's hands in his, sensing something was going on.

“What's wrong, Tony, baby?” he cast a worried look. 

“Nothing, nothing. Wine?” he said, his hands shaking as he took the glasses.

“You're lying. I know when you're nervous. What's the matter?” Steve sounded more worried now. 

Tony played with his pocket once more, looking around. He looked back to Steve and wiped his brow with his napkin. He poured their wine and then after taking a big gulp, took out the contents of his pocket, cupping it between his hands. A small velvet black box. Steve gasped, putting his hands to his face. Tony slowly opened the box to reveal a red cushion and a silver band, complimented with a red, blue and white set of diamonds and an inscription engraved onto it. 

“Steve. I know that we've had problems but I would like to say that if anything, I think that they've made this relationship ten times stronger. I liked you from the moment I met you and when I fell in love with you, it just made everything better. I didn't know what to expect when I saw your face in the garden but I sensed that it could only be interesting. You make me a better person and I vow that I will never hurt you again. I am honestly committed to you one hundred percent . I love you. So, will you do the honor of becoming my... husband?” he breathed, nervous and eager for an answer.

Steve took in everything Tony had said. He was shocked. He loved Steve and didn't want to hesitate, but marriage? He wasn't sure he would ever marry, let alone marry a man, but it was Tony. He gave him the world and didn't expect anything in return but love. They had the most intense love he had ever experienced. He would be a fool to say no, so he took his hands from his face and laid them on the table and the words escaped him before he had any more time to think.

“Yes. Yes, I will!” he beamed.

Tony took his hand, kissed it and then slipped the ring onto his finger. He was shining with happiness. Tony had never been so pleased with four words in his life. Steve looked down at the ring and read aloud what it said around the band;

“My saviour. S & T” Steve whispered. He then looked into Tony's eyes and leaped across the table to plant a kiss upon his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope it wasn't too hard to read.
> 
> If you see any original names, my bad. I tried to edit this as much as humanly possible. It's so hard going through a 14k+ piece of writing three times, whilst being excited to post it!
> 
> Leave me any feedback you like,
> 
> ASH X


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